The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
