When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
