It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
