Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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