At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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