I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
