someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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