He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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