a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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