just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my being single is dangerous.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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