Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think your dad took our porno
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
