Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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