We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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