I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
