I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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