dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
