omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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