also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
