pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize