As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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