3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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