I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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