please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
