Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
