Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
