I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
