I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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