drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
