I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
