Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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