Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
