is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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