never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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