We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
