You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
