Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
