she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
