Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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