Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
