god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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