Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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