OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....