i will never coherently bang her
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE