I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking