your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
