yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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