I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
