He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
