you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
