i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
