ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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