She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
