she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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