There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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