you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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