Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
