So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
