Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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