Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
