Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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