those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
